Is your derriere drooping dearie?
To the Editor:
Well, is it? Is your tush toppling? Is your rear end rearranging itself? Is your bottom bottoming out?
Is your gluteus maximums descending instead of ascending? Is anyone following you reminded of, "Swing and sway with Sammy Kaye."
Well, never fear, help is on the way. Liposuction? Nope. Cosmetic surgery? Nope. Nineteenth century corsets? Nope. There's a better and much less expensive way to alleviate the onslaught of The Eventual. It's called exercise.
Here's how it works. If you picked up a 10-pound dumbbell and did 50 biceps lifts with each arm, after a short period of time, you'd notice a difference in the biceps and triceps muscles on each arm. Exercise tones and builds muscles.
Lack of exercise leads to flab, especially in us older folk. You might be wondering what in the world does exercise have to do with drooping derrieres. Simple. Your buttocks are made of muscle. If they aren't interest, they head south.
Try this. Go out for a short walk. Place you right hand on your right buttocks and your left hand on your left buttocks. Begin the walk. Never mind the looks you'll receive from people you pass. As you walk, notice what happens to the muscles in your right buttocks when you push off with your right leg.
They tighten. The same happens when you push off with the left leg. Say you walk a mile. Imagine how many steps there are in a mile. Plenty, so for every step ytou take, you'll be doing battle with flab that threatens to drop into the abyss.
Once you get a solid walking program going, find a hill. Lincoln Avenue comes to mind. Walking on level ground tenses your buttocks, while striding up a hill really gives them a workout. Of course, before you enter any kind of program that requires strenuous exercise, you're going to ensure that you are physically capable, aren't you?
You've probably heard the expression, "Killing two birds with one stone." Not only will this program save your toppling tush, it will also get you on a beneficial walking regimen that is the cheapest form of health insurance on the market.
Well, there you have it, ladies. A golden opportunity for those of you who yearn for the days of old when the old part of you that jiggled was up front and not in the rear.
P.S. -- It might be a good idea to check out the swing and sway that occurs when you move an arm suddenly. If your triceps continue to oscillate when arm movement stops, it might be a good idea to purchase a 10-pound dumbbell.